MY FEMINIZATION DIARY - feminization of myself

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Gloria - 10. Fritz

Unnoticed by Jean-Marie, his three bedfellows left him and went to their own rooms early in the morning. When he awoke to the sound of the curtains being drawn back, he found himself in bed alone. When he looked at the clock, it was 11:30 and he saw that Suzanne was already dressed, and in an unusually cheery mood. She brought him a cup of coffee.
“We skipped the breakfast this morning. Lunch is being served in an hour, and I need that much time to make you look in any way presentable.”
She undertook her task with her usual efficiency, and in an hour he was bathed, corseted, dressed, coiffed, and made up, and again he looked like an elegant young lady.
Lunch was uneventful and so was a stroll through the park, afterwards. Everybody was cheerful and nice to him. Coco could not hold back a few remarks cryptic to all others alluding to the night before, which made him blush.

“What a sweet young girl, so shy and bashful, blushing even for the slightest reason,” the other ladies thought completely unaware that this sweet young girl wasn’t a girl in the first place and had probably in “her” young life experienced more erotic variations than all of them put together.
The rest of the afternoon was spent resting and preparing for dinner and the ball. Jean-Marie hoped Fritz would be there in time. Although it was now too late to change clothes, he still felt he could trust Fritz, and rely on him to prevent embarrassing situations. He would explain his situation and ask him to act as his escort for the night, protecting him from any unwanted attention from other males.
Suzanne dressed Jean-Marie with great care. As there was no lacing bar available, she tied his wrists to a curtain cord, which she pulled over a door and tied to the door-knob on the other side not without first pulling it taut with all of her weight. Then she proceeded with the lacing of the corset. He might have expected it: the dress required the damn thing to be completely closed, almost one inch less than the dress he had worn in the morning. Again, he was aroused by the lacing, but Suzanne dealt with this problem in her usual, noncommittal way.
He did not wear a chemise, as the dress was very low cut and would leave his shoulders almost bare. Before he slipped into the dress, Suzanne put two petticoats on him, both made of heavy taffeta, slim in front but full of ruffles in the back. The second one even had a little pillow built in, which sat over his behind, creating a small bustle. The dress itself was of light blue silk, covered with white lace. It was rather fully cut above the waist, emphasizing his bosom. At the very top of it, the round mounds enhanced by the tight corset looking over its top edge could be seen in a nest of white lace. The waist was very narrow and followed the line of the corset-shaped body without a wrinkle. The skirt in front fell straight to the floor but opened in the back into wide folds, which ended in a rather long train.
Suzanne showed him how to handle it while dancing. It was so long, he had to hold it waist-high with his left hand. It took him quite a while to learn how to pick it up gracefully and hold it so he would not get caught in its folds dancing backwards. Suzanne was a relentless teacher and did not give up until she was sure he could manage it quite well and gracefully. He was still frightened of having to dance with strange men, and as soon as Suzanne finished with him he went downstairs to look for Fritz.
He was lucky. Fritz was already there, busy giving the last orders for the decoration of the ballroom.
“Can I talk to you in private for a few minutes?” Jean-Marie said as he approached him.
“Certainly, Baroness, come here into my father’s study. Nobody will disturb us there.”
When he had closed the door, Fritz was looking expectantly at Jean- Marie.
“I am talking to you as a doctor now, in strict confidence.”
Fritz nodded, getting even more curious.
“First of all, please don’t call me “Baroness”.”
“But you are the niece of Baronin von Leydenburg’s late husband in fact, as I remember, you are the child of his brother.”
“The last statement is true, I am the child of the late Baron von Leydenburg’s brother. But I am not anybody’s niece.”
“How is that?”
“Very simple: I am the nephew. I am a male.”
There. It was out; he had said it.
“I don’t believe it,” answered Fritz, “you are putting me on.”
“We don’t have much time now, but here is the proof.” Jean-Marie raised his skirts and showed him.
“It is unbelievable! How is this possible?” Fritz was clearly flabbergasted. “Why are you wearing these clothes?”
“I have to, but there is not enough time to explain everything now. I’ll tell you later. What I want from you now is some protection. I don’t want to go to the ball, really, but I cannot stay away. I don’t want to dance with strangers, and have to fight off their advances. You know my secret now, and I trust you will not betray me and pass it around. What I want you to do and I can only hope I am not disturbing any other plans of yours is to be my escort for the evening, and fight off all other possible admirers. Will you help me?” He said it in a low, pleading voice.
“That’ll be one of the easiest exercises I have ever had to perform. In fact, I had planned to do it anyhow. You are not only one of the prettiest girls expected to come, but as the ward of our guest of honor, it actually would have been my duty to accompany you tonight to the table and to the ball afterwards. When I saw you yesterday, I believed myself very lucky to have such a lovely companion for tonight. Now, of course, certain aspects of our relationship have changed dramatically you have no idea how dramatically. I am glad you told me. I promise you: I shall keep your secret. Tell me, who is in on it?”
“My aunt of course, Mademoiselle Suzanne, who is my governess, and Mademoiselle Coco.”
“Coco knows your secret? That’s strange. I know her rather him very well from the clinic at the university. He was treated by my professor for some time. I think there is more to it than I can see presently, and certainly there is more than just coincidence involved.” Fritz was a little pensive, and talking more to himself, than to Jean-Marie.
“But at any rate, to the outside observer I shall be a very attentive companion to you; an ardent admirer, and I will try to monopolize you all night.”
“I am so grateful for your help. I’ll never forget it.”
“Don’t mention it. I think I have to be thankful to you for taking me into your confidence. But we have to go back now, or people will be wondering where we are.”
Fritz proved not only an attentive, courteous companion at the table, but he was also an excellent dancer and Jean-Marie had no trouble following him. He actually enjoyed dancing with Fritz very much. If he were a real girl, he mused, he would probably fall in love with him on the spot. Fritz was basically sincere and serious but also witty, and had a great sense of humor. Together, they made their cracks about the other people, sharing their laughs secretly. And from a girl’s point of view Fritz was very good looking; almost too good.
“Let’s go outside for a moment,” Jean-Marie suggested at one point, “it’s too hot in here.”
“Yes, let’s take a walk through the park. Go get a cloak or something. I’ll wait for you in front of the house.”
Jean-Marie left as fast as he could without creating suspicion and went to his room. He slipped out of his ball gown a walk in the park would surely ruin it and put on a simple walking dress with low heeled boots. He picked up the white, fox cape he had worn to the opera and went outside. At first he could not see very much, although the moon was full. Fritz stepped close and put an arm around his shoulders, guiding him through the darkness. Jean-Marie felt like a girl in the strong arm of her lover. He actually loved this idea. If he had to be a girl, he should use the advantages this status offered. He snuggled even closer.
“Tell me why you are wearing girl’s clothes. Start at the beginning, I want to hear it all.”
Jean-Marie gave Fritz a full account of what had happened to him since his arrival in Berlin. He left out nothing, not even the erotic adventures. He was glad that it was dark, because he felt himself blushing a few times. At first he only intended to give an account of the bare facts, and not all of them, but Fritz urged him on to spill it all. He even made him talk about his feelings about wearing dresses and about making love as a girl. Jean-Marie knew he had found a friend, and he was glad to be able to talk about everything that had been pent up inside him.
Fritz mostly listened, only now and then posing a question which showed considerable insight and understanding of Jean-Marie’s problems. They must have talked for the better part of an hour before Jean-Marie finally fell silent. They were taciturn on their walk back to the house, each of them following his own thoughts.
“Listen,” Fritz began when they reached the house, “you have been very adventurous during the last days. How about another adventure? This time it will be of your own will, and not something somebody else shoves you into. How about it? I am sure you’ll love it. Are you game?”
Jean-Marie nodded, he trusted Fritz completely.
“All right, then: go upstairs. Go first to your room, get undressed, put on a negligee and walk across the hall to the last door on the opposite side. Go inside without knocking, get into the bed there, and wait in the dark.”
“For what?”
“I won’t tell you. It’s an adventure.”
“Don’t you think we have to go back to the dance?”
Fritz looked at his watch.
“No, it is half past twelve already. People will be breaking up soon, anyway.”
Jean-Marie did as he was told. He found the room and entered. The light falling in from the hall had shown him a bed in the middle of the wall at right. He closed the door: it was completely dark. Slowly, he groped his way to the bed and slipped under the covers. His nerves were tingling with excitement.
After his eyes had adapted to the darkness, he could see a little by the moonbeams streaming through the windows. He was alone.
About five or ten minutes later, a door in the opposite wall opened, and someone entered. When the figure crossed a moonbeam, he could see it was a tall, feminine figure in a flowing negligee. Was it Margaret? The figure came closer, slipped off the negligee and was completely naked. The moonbeams fell on a slim body, with lovely albeit a little small breasts; a slim waist, and long legs. He couldn’t see the face, as it remained in the dark.
The figure slowly slipped into the bed and immediately kissed him passionately, stopping all possibilities for questions. Hands explored his entire body, lovingly stroking his immature breasts, wandering down his legs, caressing the insides of his thighs, and finally grabbing his cock, already throbbing fully erect. The girl (or woman?) slipped on top of him, and guided his tool into her warm and moist love nest, and slowly began to ride him to ecstasy all this without any sound.
They made love quietly but intensely. When the girl’s movements grew faster and faster and her breath came in short, pressed gasps, ending in a long, low sigh, Jean-Marie could contain himself no longer, and he erupted in her with a small, feminine moan which he did not recognize as the product of his own voice.
For some minutes they lay exhausted, motionless, letting their excitement cool.
Suddenly the girl said “Now you know my secret.” It was the voice of Fritz.
“Is this really you? I mean Fritz?”
“Yes, I am Fritz, although I was born as Friederike. I am a woman. Are you disappointed?”
“Oh no, I am delighted. But why do you live as a man?”
“It’s very simple. My parents wanted a son as their heir and when it became apparent after my birth that my mother could not have any more children, they decided to raise me as a boy. So I grew up as a boy, running around with other boys. When I was four or five, my mother cut my hair short and put me into trousers she said it made everything much simpler for her. I never went to school, and always had a private tutor. I didn’t even know until puberty that I was a girl. It was a shock when they told me and I refused to wear dresses. I was much taller than the average girl and it seemed to be better to let me live as I wanted to.”
“After graduating from school with an external exam, I decided to study medicine. This was another reason to continue living as a man: They do not allow female students in medicine at the university. All my papers had been changed to show I am a male, Friedrich; Fritz for short. I have never had sexual relations with a girl. Sex did not interest me at all. Only recently my feminine feelings seem to have broken through and I have sometimes longed for a man. I even began to assemble a female wardrobe, which I keep hidden here. Only my parents know my secret and now you. You see, I cannot change my status right now. I must finish my medical exams and get my approbation as a physician. I am contemplating, however, to reveal my identity later on, and to force the authorities to accept me as a female doctor. There you have it, in a nutshell.”
Jean-Marie was completely nonplused. He had thought he had found a male friend in whom he could confide, and with whom he could share his secrets, and suddenly this friend had turned into a female lover. He certainly was not disappointed. It gave the whole situation a new twist.
He slowly started to talk, the thoughts flashing through his mind in complete confusion and he had to sort them out before speaking, “You know, when I came to Berlin, I had no other choice. I had to wear girl’s clothes, as there were no male clothes I could get my hands on and mine were gone. I had hoped you could lend me some for the time we stayed with you, but you were gone, and now I cannot suddenly change my appearance. I have to continue playing my role until we get back to Berlin. By that time, my trunk must have arrived and I shall have my own clothes to wear. Then we can be friends to the world and secret lovers.”
“That is exactly what came into my mind when I heard your story. I wanted to find out if you thought along the same lines. But I am afraid you’ll have to go back to your room now. If Margaret and Suzanne return from the dance, you must be in your room. If they ask you why you left the ball, tell them you had a headache and I told you to lie down after I gave you some medicine. Good night, my love, and sweet dreams. See you tomorrow.”
Fritz made Jean-Marie get out of bed. “He” rose too, and brought Jean-Marie to the door. They kissed again and then Jean-Marie jumped across the hall into his room.
“What an unusual turn of events,” Jean-Marie said to himself before going to sleep, “I a man looking like a girl have fallen in love with a man who is really a girl. Tomorrow we will be the strangest couple ever, yet to all others everything will seem to be absolutely normal.”
He decided to play his role to the hilt tomorrow and ask Suzanne to make him as girlishly pretty as she could. If for the outside world he would have to be the girlfriend of his lover, young Dr. von Eltzen, he wanted to be the prettiest girl in the land. Without confessing this even to himself, he was secretly delighted that this situation gave him a good reason not to oppose his feminization for another day.
The next morning at breakfast, Fritz asked Margaret’s permission to go horseback-riding with “Baroness Gloria” and was granted it as long as he would not lead her on any dangerous courses, and be back by noon. Suzanne dressed “Gloria” as we shall call “her” from now on, since she had accepted her feminine image “her”-self in the riding habit she had worn earlier for the excursion into the Tiergarten park with Aunt Margaret.
When Fritz saw her, he said “The Baronin is really thorough in feminizing you, hardly any woman is riding in skirts anymore. I’ll have to change the saddle on your horse.”
They had a wonderful time riding through the fields and woods on a sunny morning. It was quite warm for that time of year. After about an hour’s ride, they reached a small hunting lodge.
“My father had this built for his hunting excursions,” explained Fritz.
He opened the door and invited her in. After closing the door, he took her in his arms, drew her close and kissed her fervently.
“I have been longing to do this since I first saw you this morning.”
It seems odd, Gloria thought. Fritz really is the girl and should be yielding and submissive, yet in our relationship she is the aggressor, just as if she really was the male. But he liked to play the submissive role and he even put up a little fight against Fritz.
“Are you sure nobody can find us here?” he asked like a shy girl.
“Absolutely. There is only one key and I took it.”
Only after this reassurance, did Gloria give in to the kisses of her lover and reciprocate ardently.
They kissed for a long time while their hands explored each other’s bodies. Finally, Fritz raised Gloria’s skirts and freed her prick, gently massaging it. Gloria unbuttoned his trousers and pushed them down and started to play with his clitoris. Fritz suddenly broke away, seized Gloria and carried her into a small room, putting her down on a cot. In a second he had straddled her and rode her in lustful rhythm.
Their feelings were so high strung that they both exploded within just a few minutes, but they stayed in each other’s arms and kissed for a long time afterwards.
“You can’t imagine how I’ve longed for someone like you,” Fritz finally said. “I love you, dear.”
“And I love you, too.”
Finally, they broke away from each other and returned home. While putting the horses away, Fritz caught Gloria in his arms and stole another long, passionate kiss.
Gloria went upstairs to change.
“The exercise in the fresh air has done you a lot of good,” Suzanne said, helping her freshen up after the exhausting ride.
“Look at your rosy cheeks. Or is there another reason for being so agitated? Fritz maybe? He is quite attractive, I must say. If he would take me out, I would probably get rosy cheeks too and without too much riding.”
Suzanne looked at Gloria inquiringly. Gloria felt herself blush and tried to hide.
“Well, little one, is it Fritz?”
Gloria answered with an almost imperceptible little nod, averting her eyes.
“I thought so. I watched you at lunch the first day you couldn’t take your eyes off him, and you were visibly disappointed when he had to leave.”
Gloria was angry at herself for having been so obvious in her actions at that time. However, she thought, you think yourself so smart, and yet you don’t know half of it luckily.
“All right, you’re done.” Suzanne finally stated after having put Gloria into a smart day-dress with long sleeves and a high collar, all dripping with lace, “go down and wait for lunch.”
The minute Gloria had departed, Suzanne rushed to Margaret to tell her the news.
“Gloria has a crush on Fritz would you believe it?”
“Are you sure?”
“Absolutely, she just confessed it to me.”
“Well this is great, it plays right into our hands.”
Margaret was in high spirits.
“Maybe she turns out to be gay after all. Maybe the episode with Coco the other night has pleased her more than we imagined. Well, all we have to do, is to step up the feminization process and subtly and within the limits of propriety encourage the romance. Of course, we have to make sure that Fritz does not detect Gloria’s true sex. He does not look homosexual to me.”
After lunch, Fritz asked Margaret if he could take Gloria for a walk in the park and Margaret permitted it.
“In fact Suzanne and I shall join you. The weather is so nice and warm and it is quite healthy to take a walk after a meal.”
Fritz and Gloria looked at each other. This was not what they had hoped, but Fritz couldn’t think of anything to do but to thank Margaret and invite her to come along.
“Stay back a little,” Margaret said to Suzanne, “let them gain a little distance on us, so they know we can’t hear them. I want to watch them. Their actions will be far more revealing than anything we could hear.”
She was right. When they saw that nobody was around to hear them, Fritz started to talk quietly but intensely about his plans for the future.
“When you’re back in Berlin, I shall visit you as often as I can. You must play the adoring little girl.”
“That won’t be too hard.”
Gloria grabbed his hand and squeezed it.
Margaret gave Suzanne a little prod with her elbow.
“You were right. They are walking hand in hand already.”
Fritz looked at Gloria lovingly.
“It will be hard to find opportunities to be alone: the Baronin will watch your every step from now on. Since she does not know my secret, she must do everything to prevent my detecting yours. And right now, I cannot let her in on mine. I first have to finish my exams. If she blew the whistle on me, all my efforts would have been in vain, and I would be kicked out. You must help both of us by preserving the status quo. As far as the Baronin is concerned, you will have to play along with her and follow her wishes. As far as I am concerned, I am a young man whom you find attractive to go out with nothing more. Tell her that I fell for you as a girl and that I do not know your secret, and that you like me because as long as you have to be a girl, you want to have the company of an attractive young man and when you return to being a boy again, you want me as a friend.”
Gloria agreed to all of it, nodding quietly.
Fritz put his arm around her shoulder as they were walking back to the house. When they had reached it and waited until Margaret and Suzanne caught up with them, he thanked Gloria for the nice walk, saying,
“I hope I shall see you at the dance tonight at the village inn.”
He took Gloria’s hand and blew a kiss on it.
“Thank you, Frau Baronin, for giving us the honor of your company and, please, let Baroness Gloria attend the dance tonight.”
He took her hand and kissed it, too, and finally Suzanne’s hand before he left.
“A very polite young man,” Margaret observed, “and very attractive too, don’t you think, Gloria? My, if you were a real girl he would be a very good match. He likes you, I could see this. Do you like him too?”
“Well, he is fun to run around with. I mean, ah as a friend. The fact that he is a man I mean I am a man too and I mean we cannot ...”
Gloria let the thought hang in the air.
“Anyway, I think you should lead him on a little as long as you are Gloria. It will be an invaluable experience to see the girl’s side of a little romance. Just stay in your role. And, of course, he should take you to the dance tonight. Suzanne will make you extra pretty and you will be the most attractive couple at the dance. Now go upstairs and rest a little before Suzanne comes to dress you.”
When Gloria came down for dinner, she looked prettier than ever before. Suzanne had outdone herself. She was wearing a long trailing dress in the palest blue that left her shoulders bare. Her hair was done up beautifully and intertwined with pink and pale blue silk-flowers. Her hands and arms were covered with the finest white glac kid gloves, tightly buttoned at the wrists. Her make-up was practically invisible, just accentuating the flawless skin and giving it a little blush on the cheeks. The lip-rouge looked absolutely natural and the mascara just colored the tips of the lashes to make them look longer.
Fritz took Gloria to the table and to the dance later. When they were dancing, Gloria loved being in the arms of her beloved Fritz and the fact that she was playing the girl’s role did not disturb her in any way. Being a girl with Fritz came so naturally. They danced together exclusively. It was true that they were the most attractive couple on the floor. Gloria had learned to dance very well as a girl, holding his train with his left hand and resting the fingertips of his right on Fritz’s shoulder. She handled her train as if she had grown up with it. It was another wonderful night and they promised each other to meet again as soon as possible in Berlin.
The next morning they had a leisurely breakfast before they got ready for the train-ride to Berlin. Gloria wore the same traveling dress she had worn on their trip out, and of course Suzanne had restrained her hands in the little muff again.
Just as they were ready to depart, a telegram came for Margaret. She opened and read it.
“Gloria, I have some good news and some bad news for you but after all, it may all be good news. Your trunk has been found. That’s the good news. The bad news is, it was pilfered, all your clothes are gone. Well, I had planned to have new ones made for you anyhow, so there isn’t much damage done.”
Gloria was rather unhappy with this news. It would probably mean she would have to wear dresses for at least another day.
In the train, just as on their previous train-ride, Suzanne strapped Gloria’s knees and ankles tightly together. This time, however, she went a step further. She looped a wide ribbon around her elbows and drew them tightly to her sides and finally circled her neck with a ribbon, which she tied to the head-rest of the seat. Gloria could wriggle her fingers in the muff or her toes in the shoes that was about all she could do. She resigned herself to her fate, convinced that this would probably be the last time she would be humiliated like this and closed her eyes to possibly sleep a little bit.
Suzanne however was not done with her.
“Open up, Darling,” she said and when Gloria looked, she saw that awful gag in Suzanne’s hand, the one Coco had made her wear the other day.
“Please don’t, what if a-yvovy aw mmfph ...”
When she opened her mouth in protest, Suzanne quickly pushed the gag deep into her mouth and buckled it in the back of her neck in an instant.
“Don’t worry, Darling, nobody will be able to see it.”
She took a thick beige veil from her bag, fastened one end to Gloria’s hat on one side and draped it down over her face so it was covered from the tip of her nose to below the chin, then pulled the other end up to the hat and fastened it there. Suzanne tugged a little here and there, then took out a mirror and held it in front of Gloria.
“See, the veil, the strap of the gag, and your face are all pretty much the same color. Nobody can see the gag now. Am I not nice to save you the humiliation of having to walk through the station with a gag visible to everybody? I know you want to ask me, why I had to strap you up and gag you in the first place, but it was necessary to teach you a little submissiveness. You ran around completely unbridled for almost three days now and you forgot almost everything I had taught you about being bashful and shy and modest. So, we have to shorten the leash a little bit.”
“You know,” Aunt Margaret said after a while, “I have been thinking over the situation and I have decided to keep you as a girl for the time being. It is the best solution under all view-points.”
“First, you don’t have any male clothes, so we would have to wait at least another week until we could get some made for you. And if you have to go on wearing girl’s clothes for another week, you can keep on being a girl, as well.”
“Second, to get a whole male wardrobe for a young man in your position will take much longer. We couldn’t just walk into a store and buy things for you. I owe it to my reputation to have my nephew wear nothing but the finest things made to measure for him. We’d be far into the summer before we could get you adequately equipped.”
“Third, you just started a little romance, which will give you a lot of insight into a girl’s point of view in these matters and which will undoubtedly be very valuable to you later in life.”
“Fourth, university does not start until early November and you have nothing urgent to do until then. So if we want you to be a boy again, everything would be much easier and without any stress for all of us if we concentrate on a late autumn date for your return to a male existence.”
“Until then, just relax and enjoy living as no, being a girl. I am sure you will like it. And if not, you’ll at least learn a lot about the feminine side of life.
Gloria thought she would faint hearing this. She wanted to voice her protest but, bound and gagged as she was, she had no chance and when the first impulse died down a little, she saw that she really didn’t have a chance. Aunt Margaret could do with her as she liked, anyway.
Then, when she envisioned her immediate future, being forced to live as a girl, wear corsets, silken rustling underwear, dresses, high heels, being coiffed and made up all the time, she felt her nerves tingle with excitement. The strangest, but most pleasant feelings ran through her when she thought of herself prettily dressed in girl’s clothes, the clothes that she felt about her right now.
From the practical side, she saw that she could be a real couple with Fritz. If she had changed back into a boy, she would have had to present a totally different behavior toward Fritz, otherwise they would both be stamped as being homosexual. As long as she remained a girl they could show their love for each other anywhere.